Why you avoid things that 'shouldn't' bother you

The Experience

You know it's irrational. You do it anyway.

Maybe you avoid entire sections of the grocery store because the specific lighting makes your chest tight. Maybe you take the long route to work just to avoid passing one specific building. You can't watch certain TV shows, listen to specific songs, or enter rooms with a particular layout, and you can't explain why.

People ask, "What's the big deal?" Logically, you know there isn't one. It's just a store aisle. It's just a song. But your body reacts as if it's facing a predator.

This avoidance spreads. What starts as dodging one specific trigger expands into entire categories. Soon, you're reorganizing your entire routine, turning down invitations, and shrinking your life to avoid these invisible threats. You feel ridiculous, but not ridiculous enough to stop.

You might have tried forcing yourself to "push through" before. You survived, but the experience was horrible—a visceral sense that something was fundamentally wrong. Afterward, you likely avoided that situation even harder.

People think you're being difficult. They don't understand that this isn't a choice you are making—it's your nervous system's solution to a threat you can't consciously see.

You're not being irrational. You're responding to associations your nervous system has made that your conscious mind cannot access.

Why This Happens

Here's the mechanics of your avoidance: During a traumatic event, your brain creates a catalog of everything present and marks it all with a "WARNING: DANGER" label. The problem is that your brain casts a very wide net.

Your brain doesn't just flag the specific thing that hurt you. It flags the smell in the air, the hum of the lighting, the time of day, and the layout of the room. Then, it generalizes. Anything similar to those elements becomes a potential trigger.

• You avoid the aisle: Not because of the food, but because the light triggers a memory of a similar light from the past.

• You avoid the song: Not because of the lyrics, but because that tone was playing in the background of a bad moment.

Your conscious mind doesn't know why these things are triggers, but your survival brain does.

The pattern is self-reinforcing.

1. You encounter a reminder.

2. Your nervous system spikes with anxiety.

3. You leave or avoid the situation.

4. Relief.

   
   

That feeling of relief teaches your brain a dangerous lesson: "Avoiding this thing kept us safe". This reinforces the avoidance. Every time you turn away, you strengthen the walls of your own prison. Forcing yourself into these situations without support often backfires because it just re-traumatizes you, proving to your system that the dread was justified.

You Are Not Alone

Avoidance of things that "shouldn't" matter is one of the most isolating patterns of trauma. You're not being difficult or oversensitive. You're simply living with a safety map that's outdated and overly broad.

This is a pattern, which means it can shift.

Your nervous system can learn that these triggers are false alarms, but it requires a gentle approach. It happens through gradual exposure—tipping your toe in the water rather than diving into the deep end.

If you are stuck in avoidance right now:

👉 Stop the shame: Acknowledge that your nervous system believes it is protecting you.

 👉 Identify the link: Ask yourself, "What about this situation connects to the past? Is it the sound? The light? The trapped feeling?".

 👉 Go slow: Spend 30 seconds near a trigger, then leave. Prove to your body that you can approach the edge and walk away safely.

 👉 The things you avoid can become neutral again. Your world can expand beyond the safe zones you have created. You're not irrational; you're protected. And those protections can be updated.

Sources & More Information

• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma 

• Foa, E.B., & Rothbaum, B.O. (2001). Treating the Trauma of Rape: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for PTSD 

• National Center for PTSD: Avoidance and Trauma 

• International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies: Understanding Avoidance