When the past won't stay in the past

Reliving the Past

The Moment

You thought what happened was over. You dealt with it, moved forward, and felt safe. Then, without warning, you're there again, not like a memory, but you're living it again.

Your body tightens in the exact same way, your breath catches and even though you know you're safe right now, the fear feels as immediate as if the danger were right in front of you.

Your nervous system doesn’t care about your intellect.

Maybe it was a smell, a specific noise, the way light hit a wall, and sometimes, it’s nothing at all—no trigger you can pinpoint—which is often the worst part. You're suddenly reliving this past moment, and the timing is never yours to choose.

You might start dodging reminders of that time and place, but the past requires no invitation. It shows up anyway. You start to wonder: "Am I crazy? Why aren't I over it yet? Everyone else copes better than me."

You're not a failure. Your brain is simply working to defend you, unaware that the danger has passed.

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What’s Causing This?

Here is what's truly happening:

When faced with trauma, your brain’s emergency system activates with one purpose: to capture every detail of the danger for future safety. It labels the event "CRITICAL SURVIVAL INFORMATION."

The problem is how that file is stored:

Ordinary memories are like stories in a book. They have a beginning, middle, and end. They have context. They live in the "past tense."

Traumatic memories lack that story structure. They are stored as raw sensory data in the present tense.

When triggered, your brain doesn't tell you a story about what happened; it reactivates the experience.

Your body reacts before your brain processes. You feel the threat before you can think the thought "I am safe."

Time folds. "Then" becomes "Now."

This isn't weakness. It's your nervous system doing its job—trying to keep you alive. It just hasn't received the memo that the threat's gone.

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You Are Not Alone

This pattern is a frequent, normal response to abnormal experiences. It's not a reflection of personal failure or frailty. It just means your survival system is stuck in the "on" position.

The good news is that it's a pattern, and patterns can be changed.

Your nervous system is capable of learning safety. With time and the right approach—often with the help of a trauma-informed therapist—your brain can file these memories away as "past" rather than "present." You won't be trapped here forever.

If you're struggling right now:

👉 Acknowledge safety: Remind yourself, "That belongs to yesterday."

👉 Get grounded: List 5 things you see, 4 you feel, and 3 you hear.

👉 Breathe: Breathe deeply and slowly to signal to your body that the immediate danger is over.

You're not ruined. You're not alone. And this feeling is subject to change.

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Sources & More Information

* Van der Kolk, B. (2014). *The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma*

* National Institute of Mental Health:

[Understanding Trauma]

(https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events)

* Trauma Research Foundation:

[How Trauma Affects Memory]

(https://traumaresearchfoundation.org/)